One man told me that he has no reasons to stay alive. For him, life is a matter of living one day at a time, waiting to die. Whenever he hops on the plane, he wishes that the plane will crash and he can die. He does not have the bravery to take his own life, because he knows that it will be painful. So he wishes for something to happen and end his life.
Another man is living what it seems to be a normal life. He is working 9 to 5 diligently. He gets married and have two children. His wife is working and independent. However, something ate him from the inside. The wounds came out when he sees his children disobey him. He would scream, beat, almost choking them and ended up crying for all the guilty feelings that he carries.
A young woman came to me. She mentioned that she has been touched by her older brother, family driver and stranger. She does not know what to do and how to seek help. She told her mother and mom just ask her to shrugged it away. She also experience some bangs to her head as she refused to play with her older brother. She is now living a life full of cloud. She hides herself wherever she can. With big clothes, many bags to carry, no make up, online all the time.
Those are all the true story of adults who experienced abuses as children.
They may seem to live a normal life, but in many ways, they are not functioning well. Even though physically they grow up and look like adults, deep inside they crave for the love and attention from those they love, mostly parents and family members. The same persons who might do abuses to those innocent souls.
Some abused children may end up keeping the hate and anger to their perpetrators. Some go through a hard way of seeking help and overcome the abuse effects. Some others live a lie where they normalise what the perpetrators did, especially when the abuse was done by parents.
As far as they try to normalise the abusive events, it will not helpful at all. It may give them a fake feeling for being at peace – “at least it does not happen anymore”. Or the thought that “all parents slip through their parenting journey once in a while”.
Dear parents, see what you made your children do to themselves and those around them!
I have been working with a lot of abused children, and every time I see one, my heart breaks. I have been dealing with adults who were being abused as children, they still stuck emotionally as they can’t grow. They refuse to get help, because getting help will make things worse. Getting help means open up to others that their beloved mothers or fathers or siblings did that to them. Too much to handle.
I will write long on the therapeutic journey here. But I just want abusive parents to know that the wounds will never get healed and your action disable your children in many ways. So that you know!