respect

Through The Eyes of A Little Girl

/ Cicilia Evi / Leave a comment

There is a little girl who bears sincerity in her heart and willingly she lend her only tablet cover to her grand Aunty. She said that she could use the cheap cover for a while. She didn’t have any understanding that her mother spent certain amount of money to buy that original cover to protect her tablet. And she didn’t have any intention to just throw the cover away. She was just being nice.

After a few days, she asked her grand Aunty to give the cover back and she would lend her the cheap one. Without even looking at this little girl, the grand Aunty answered: Just wait until I can buy the original cover for myself – and she was back to her games right away.

What do you think of that scene?

For me, when I heard the story, I could not believe it. How could a grand Aunty at her 60s treat a little girl like that? I don’t have the answer for certain.

Guilt is seen in this little girl’s face because she felt responsible to her mother by lending the original cover. She was trying to fix her mistake by asking the original cover back and then, she was denied right away. Some people might see this as nothing, but imagine the lesson that this little girl has to learn.

She might be thinking that lending her stuff to other people is not a good behavior, that it might backfire to her or it might hurt her loved ones. She is learning to understand giving in a wrong spectacle.

I heard many times before that age is not a measurement for maturity. That even at young age, we can actually transfer some values and bring those youngsters to maturity at appropriate level. On the other hand, even those people with years of living this life might forget an important development of maturity. Just like the grand Aunty I mentioned above.

Age is merely a number. It keeps on adding itself every year, on the exact same date. Maturity is another thing. It has to be sow, trained and evaluated every now and then. Maturity is not growing accordingly with age, because it is a choice that one makes. Everyone has the chance to win one’s childishness, as well as winning one’s maturity.

I am hoping this little girl can understand the circumstances – that she meant well, sincere and true. That the rejection from her grand Aunty is not her fault, but it will give her one of the best lesson in her life. I had the chance to talk to this little girl and I said all the positive side of her good deeds. But I also stressed that the reaction from her grand Aunty was not acceptable because she didn’t respect other people’s stuff. That was not a lesson to be learned or followed.

Picture is taken from kushandwizdom.tumblr.com

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“People First” Day

/ Cicilia Evi / Leave a comment

Today is very special for me, because I saw two “people first” actions at two different location.

People first is a new development in special needs area. Its purpose is to change the stigma againts people with special needs. So, instead of saying ‘special needs people’ we better say ‘people with special needs’. It is not blind man, but ‘a man with vision loss’. In this way, we put the people first, and not the disability first.

The first was a man who lost his vision at the gym. He was with a young woman – I don’t know who she is. This young woman led the man to a number of different practice machines. She was very gentle and she smiled! I could sense the genuineness of her heart while she’s doing so.

Secretly, I was watching the whole process of how she treated the man. I was strucked in awe …

Second, was a father who asked his beautiful daughter to have lunch at local food centre. His daughter was a student with intellectual disabilities, also known as mental disability. She has Down Syndrome and I knew because it was easily noticed from her physical features. This gorgeous Dad was helping her to button up her loosen skirt, without hesitation.

As a person, I am so thankful with what I saw today. When we know how to put other people first, we will find this world as a better place.

Writing is my way to share it to you.

Walking Across The Bridge

/ Cicilia Evi / 3 Comments

Few weeks ago I was invited by a good friend of mine to go for his birthday treat. It was a good dinner gathering with 13 people, including myself. There were 3 straight women and 10 gay men. Yes, my good friend is also a gay and that night, he was celebrating his birthday and also his partner’s birthday (their dates only separated a few days away).

The night was good, we talked and shared a lot, and also laughed a lot. At first, we thought that night would be just fine, until we started to order the meals. The waiter was taking our order halfheartedly. How do we know? From the way he looked at us. He gave the guys such a sharp look, while to the women, he didn’t show such a sharp look. Whenever we ask them to order some more food or ask them to bring the birthday cake out, we need to ask them several times, before finally the order came.

With my straight eyes, I could see that being a gay man is not an easy matter. People still look at them differently. Even though the gay men are now more open and most people are more liberal, it doesn’t mean that the discrimination has gone. It is still there. Ideally, the discrimination should not go further than making sharp look or mean face!But it is now going brutal and worse. The story of gay killing such as the 13-year-old Sean Walsh or Matthew Shepard – really breaks my heart, because I believe that no matter sexual preferences that they found (not choose), they still bear the image of our Creator.

Maybe all that we need to do is to walk across the bridge. Walk the distance that we’ve been built between heterosexuals and homosexuals. By doing so, I believe that we can find a different new meaning about gay and lesbian. I am not saying that we have to agree with their sexual actions, because there is a huge difference between sexual preferences and sexual actions.

Let me close this article with a short reflection given by Father Dennis Rochford MSC, on our weekly bible study back to 2004. He said that, even though homosexuality is morally wrong, does not mean that we can’t love them. So, walk across the bridge, before you judge too much on what may be there … across the bridge.

Doing Ethics Final Examination

/ Cicilia Evi / Leave a comment

Headaches, nausea and dizzyness are very common among us, graduate students who are having examinations. Yes, we are struggling to finish the exams well. This semester we have 7 subjects (do not compare the Indonesian education systems with any Western countries system), i.e.: ethics, research methodologies (qualitative and quantitative), statistics, self-development, psychological assessment and philosophy of science.

bulldog-with-headache

Now, I’m updating my blog while trying to finish my ethics paper. Lecturers gave us 6 ethics problems and we have to answer all of them. Most of the problems are very abstracts and theory-minded. For example, we have write down all the possible dilemmas (plus the solutions) that might happen when a psychologist have to work as family counsellor, industrial psychologist, community psychologist, forensic psychologist and witness at the courtroom. So, you count all those aspects x possible dilemmas (plus the solutions) = ___ pages. No wonder we are all having headaches…

Ethics is always be the hardest part to decide, especially when it comes into making ethical decision and be fair to all of the clients (actual and prospective). Psychologists are always identical with ethics problems, such as: dual relationship, ethics VS law or unhealthy competition among psychologists. One colleague of mine suggested that the main thing to hold is how we can respect our client, as individual. When we can put the client first, then we can overcome some main problems regarding ethics. Putting client first does not mean that we will give everything that he/she wants, such as: give false testimony at the courtroom. As a professionals, we have to put the long-term benefit for clients and our professionality.

Way to go!

Different Shoes, Different Point of View

/ Cicilia Evi / Leave a comment

I was driving back to Malang when I saw this view: about 7-10 motorcycles park in the edge of a bridge above train station. For me, it was weird for they were looking down and saw the trains. And that was it. No other views, nothing. All they could see from above was the trains. But then, I slow down and I tried to look at what they did. I saw one father was holding his son and explained to him about the trains (my guess, for he pointed at the trains). Another couple was doing the same thing. They explained to their children about the trains.

Real life lesson

Real life lesson

The example above is one proof that each of us wear different kind of shoes. It is a paradigm to show that we are different with each other in a way of viewing the same event. I might think that looking down to the train station from a bridge above it, was weird and unimportant. But for those folks, they might educate their children that way! Easy, cheap and straight to the point. None of us can get the blame in this case. I was right because for me, I can teach my nieces or nephews by showing them the cards, books, videos about trains. I can even ask them to have a ride on a train. But for those people who have to work during weekdays and have no money to buy books on trains, a moment of looking down from the bridge is enough. They will ask no more.

Another example is about enjoying fast food. I have to admit that I love fast food at certain times. Like when I’m with Elizabeth, we will definitely go for fast food (fast to make us fat!). For us, who have the opportunity of eating those kind of expensive food, we might think differently with those who have no extra money. For us, fast food is just another day in our life. We can enjoy it everytime we want to or when we have no time to eat and just grab fast food from drive-thru. But for other people, having fast food in their menu is something big. They might save for sometimes before they can buy some food for their children. If you go to fast food restaurant, try to look at those people who really enjoy their meals! It is not because they are greedy, but they have rare opportunities to enjoy such food.

ist2_5513957-enjoying-fast-food

What I’m trying to say here is the different view that we have as human being. We do not need to blame others for their different way of thinking. Note one thing, there is such thing as right vs wrong. But in some cases, we should aside that everlasting fight and respect they way others think on certain event.

What do you think of this situation: A father who would rather sell his only old car to pay for his son’s school fee. He has to walk 3 kilometers one way to his workplace. So, he has to walk 6 kilometers each day. Every day he would come home in a very tired condition. Will you think he is a stupid man? or a thoughtful father?