How Much Time?

Time is an issue for everyone. Some would feel that they need 27 hours a-day (I used to think so too!). Some would feel that they have all the time in the world, therefore, they drag it as much as they can. I always envy those people who can discipline themselves with time, and somehow, they always have time for everything.

I like to follow writers or bookworms in their social account, especially Instagram. I am amazed with their discipline to read every morning for 1-hour. Or how they manage to write in the midst of their hectic life. While for me, I am so bad at time management.

After my son was born, I soon back to work. He was not yet 3-month-old when I took my first business trip out of town. And it is still ongoing at the moment. Somehow my guilty feeling strikes in, especially when I am away too much from him. Thankfully, I still have the pleasure of breastfeeding, and I am doing as much as I can to embrace those moments. His little hands holding onto me, his eyes would gaze upon me and how he rests his body to me. I feel trusted, I feel so close and so loved.

These past few weeks have been uneasy for me. Work is loading up so quickly and I need to make a decision. I spoke to my closest circle and discuss with them – and finally enable myself to make a decision in reducing my work load. I am working two part-time jobs at the moment. Both are professional job and I need to give my best effort for both jobs. As hard as it could be, I have to let go one of it. A very big decision to make.

I spoke to the director today and he mentioned that parenthood is a big thing – and he would not keep me in the loop if I decided to let go. Again, my self-guilt is striking in. I perceived his comment as a confirmation that I did it all wrong, I made a lot mistakes and he is ready to let me go.

So, during my 3-hour driving back to my hometown, I put on my iPod and chose one Podcast that was there for years – Time Management by Randy Pausch. I stumbled into this amazing lecturer during his last battle with pancreatic cancer and fell in love with his Last Lecture instantly. I played that particular podcast for so many times and I made that as my official reminder of achieving my childhood dreams. The same thing happened with Time Management podcast. One important advice that I took seriously is to always have planner or agenda, either digital or pen-and-paper kind of thing. I took the latter. He mentioned that we do not need to spend more of our brains on what-to-do lists and all the appointments that we set. We need to have agenda that can tell us what will we do next week at certain time.

time

The closing on his lecture was a reminder to do the right things and not just pushing ourselves to do things right. Sometimes we spend so much time to do things that might not be the right things. We need to manage our time, because that’s all we’ve got! I do not want to regret all those moments that I can create with my son, with my family. I want to be feel at peace one day, knowing that I have done my best to be with them.

God bless me and my decision then.

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As If Time is not Worthy

I’m writing this post while sitting in the waiting room of Psychology Faculty. The main reason I came to faculty today is to have a supervision with my second supervisor. She text me last night and told me to come for 1-hour supervision session, from 1200-1300. Now, my clock strikes 1345 and I haven’t had my turn yet.

This kind of non-sense waiting is very common in many well-known Universities in Indonesia, not excluding my uni now. Yes, it is something that we called as: tradition. The lecturers are somehow ‘untouchable’, so we can’t really argue with them or protest them for being super late. Not all lecturers are doing this kind of torturing, but most of them do.

I know one lecturer who did her Masters in Australia a few years back. She’s trying to apply everything that she got in Australia, to her college students and also to herself. She’s trying not to be late or cancel the appointment, she’s capable of lecturing and being a facilitator for us and also … She knows that she’s doing.

I miss those days when I did my degree at UWA, Perth. All the Professors were doing things that they love and you can sense that they did it whole-heartedly. They rarely late or cancel the appointment. They knew what they do and where they would bring our research into. It was just amazing.

Back to the main issue, with this kind of tradition, most of the students already accept it as: what-it-is, as something that normally happen. And this is the start of chaining: where the tradition is keep on repeating itself, on behalf of those people who start it.

Anyway, I should finish it. My supervisor is approaching me now.
Have a good day, everyone!