Butterfly in The Stomach

Normal life is something that most people want to embrace. Women would say that they prefer to have a normal life with a normal husband and normal children. Men would say that they prefer a normal working life with normal colleagues and normal salary. The thing is how we can define normality in life? Your point of view will be different than mine – on normality.

Whenever we feel ‘butterfly in the stomach’, we tend to dismiss the feeling by any means. Sometimes we just ignore it and wishing for it to go away, some other time we distract our attention to something else. We just do not want to be bothered by those uneasy feelings. We just want to feel normal – like any other people who have ‘normal life’.

Super cloudy morning sky - Bali Aug 2013

Super cloudy morning sky – Bali Aug 2013

Yes, we do need orders in life, to maintain stability and provide safety to younger children. But, we also need some surprises and uneasy feelings during our journey – why? Because surprises will bring different colors to our sky and uneasiness will work as a reminder that we need to change our life direction, or simply take a U-turn.

When I was younger, I thought a normal life was defined with fixed working hours, expected events to come, patiently doing the same thing for many years and able to save at certain amount of money every month. I thought normalcy was defined with age and the ability to achieve something at that age. But I grew up and I am standing where I am today. I learned to understand that life is not always defined by certainty and fixed ratio on everything. Life is normal when we can accept our life as what it is – with all the uneasy feelings and unexpected journeys. We trip, we fall, we rise up and we learn our lessons. We tried and failed, we climbed and lost. But we are stronger each time. My life is a normal life – to my term, and your life is normal – to your term. (PS: I am not writing in the scope of any psychological disorders).

It is not as easy as I write it. I am struggling every day, especially with my own self – the one who easily blame herself. I am having a normal life – with all the ups and downs, the lessons learned, the flaws inside of me. It is all normal and I am living my life to the fullest.

At last, this piece is coming to its end. It was started with ‘butterfly in the stomach’ to write something tonight.