Motherhood: A Personal Note

If you love to visit bookstores, you will see numerous books on parenting, how-to books on children and thousands different wrap on the same topic. It is as if every new parents want to share their personal journey on ‘what and how’ of parenting. Not to mention the experts. Well, it is true that every journey of parenthood is different and there is no way we can compare it to one another. I am now reaching the understanding that there is no such thing as ‘normal parenting’, since in the eyes of every parents, their way is normal. Mostly, that was the way the brought up.

I am a mother of a 3-month-old boy and I am experiencing a journey that I do not want to miss. I want to experience every details of his development and nothing else matters for me right now. Personally, I never thought that I would write this prior his presence, because I was so used to work and had been living my life as a career woman – at least for the past 10 years. But when my role as a mother is here, I can put aside the other roles and put them on hold.

Every day is a new day. As I learn to take care of my son, I also learn more about myself. And that’s the scary part! When I said that I do not want to miss every detail of his development, it may reflects my own separation anxiety toward my son. On the other hand, it also reflects the importance of ‘being there’ for my son. I guess the key is balancing both roles slowly.

Picture is taken from my other blog www.childrencounseling.net

Picture is taken from my other blog http://www.childrencounseling.net

As a way to let go off my own anxiety, I let the dice roll for me. I did not hesitate to follow the dice and yet, I did not push it too much (I used to though!). The result is positive, since I will add two more roles in my career line starting early next year. I purposely let myself ‘trap’ with responsibilities – within limit – so that I can slowly have a healthier separation process with my son.

I am a product of a working mom and I must say that I appreciate my mom more than ever. She was busy taking care of me and my twin brothers, shopping to traditional market every day, cook for the whole house (more than 2 families in the house) and went to the shops that owned by my dad. I could not imagine the juggling game that she played.

And now, as I am standing here, I can say to myself that it is a new journey for me. It means that I need to let it roll a bit and see how it goes from there. Learning new roles and skills take time – and that’s all I need. And finally, learning is a process in itself. It is not about achieving certain point or numbers, but to keep up with the process and learn a lot more along the way.

Keep it up, mothers!

Sixteen and Pregnant

16 and pregnant is a show in MTv that tells about the fight and the hardship of being a mom, while you yourself is only a kid. The show is now hitting the second season, but the problems are not getting easier or less complicated. The scenes of teens taking care of their own babies is just beyond words. The case would be different if you want to get married at your young age and aware enough with the consequences. But these bunch of teen girls are just teens.

The bad scene is worsened by the lack of fatherhood in those boys (who happened to make the girls pregnant). Only a few of them would be responsible of being a father and understand what fatherhood is all about. Most of the boys will walk away, ask for DNA test or still busy with their daily stuff: car modification, hang out with friends.

I’m not a judge and don’t have any rights to do that. I’m just writing down the things that I see. Outside the show, we can see many teens are getting pregnant while they still unable to take care of themselves. One girl that I knew quite well is now carrying her first baby. She is a friend of my relative. We met frequently before. In my eyes, she’s a quiet girl, who’s working hard to achieve the best at her school and work.

Her boyfriend and his family want to take the responsibility of marrying this girl and raise their baby together. But the problem is not over yet. Because she has to let her family know that she’s carrying her baby. It is now 5 weeks old and 8mm long (I wonder how cute is that).

The shock of hearing the news will be exhausting for the family and relatives. The news itsef is already a shock for the teen mom and dad.
My Dad taught me a lot about responsibility. Whatever status that you have, whatever season that you’re in … People will respect you, if only you’re such a responsible person. Responsibility is not merely for a father – as the head of the family – but also for everyone else. The kids have their responsibility as children and students. The parents have their own responsibility of taking care the kids, manage the house and looking after the whole family system. The key is to be responsible.

Back to the show …
A few of the teen couples decided to give away their babies – for the sake of the babies. Is that being responsible? In some cases, it may be yes. If those teen parents know and well-aware that they won’t be able to support their babis, then giving away the babies might be an option. Is it the right choice? No one really knows …

But there’s one thing that we all know: have a safe sex. As human being, biologically we’re created with all the sex organs, hormones and desire/lust. It doesn’t mean that we can express those needs without any consideration, because the effect will be long. Just be careful and have a safe sex .. As Nickelback said, that sex is not a question, sex is always the answer.
Be smart!

Writing is my way to share it to you.