Altering Mental Block

In my line of work, I have the privilege to meet a lot of people – listen to their stories and mapping their cognitive functions. By doing so, the process of psychotherapy will serve as the basis for my clients in understanding their way of thinking, distorted belief or simply to know that they have options.

The hard part of psychotherapy is to talk and make family members to understand client’s situation – that they need time to readjust to their new pattern of thinking or how much they need support from their loved ones. Sometimes I scratch my head due to disbelief that family members can’t wait to reach the end line of the process.

What if we – as psychologists – are the ones who need to give support to our loved ones? The answer is as hard as those family members of our clients. When we put down our professional titles and be an ordinary family member of our loved ones, chances are we facing the same difficulties like others.

We have our expectations, our own hopes, as well as fears, whether they will make it or not. Will they be able to pursue their dreams, or will we have to accept the fact that every hopes shatter to pieces? All those questions are in our head – the so-called psychologists – when we walk together with our loved ones who need help or support.

The journey will not be easy. We need to learn from the family members of our clients – who wait and support patiently through every session and years of psychotherapy.

We need to alter our mental blocks and believing that our loved ones will be able to get through their hardest days, their biggest fears and their made-believe limitations. We also need to help them in overcoming those blocks – and make them believing in themselves. It will not be an easy journey, because they might have grown up with the same way of thinking for the past 20-30 years before we met them. But it will certainly be a worthy journey to conquer.

If you’re facing this kind of problem, believe in yourself and believe in your loved ones. Having a set of positive belief will bring you to a new stage of life. Keep up the hard work!

Lemonade, Anyone?

I am a lazy bump. For the past 10 days I’ve stayed at my parents with my big belly – 34 weeks old. My ob-gyn told me to have a rest and take an off from work. I never had such a privilege since I got pregnant – and I think my baby feels relieved with the order to rest.

While I’m staying lazy, I read some books, doing scrapbook for my little bub, talk to some people regarding a lot of things, cuddling with my niece and nephew and mostly, enjoying my mom’s home cook meals. I detached myself from everything that used to be important for me – being busy.

The first few days, I was feeling lost. It was like I spent time doing nothing and I felt guilty. But then after a few days, I pictured the upcoming sleepless nights after my little baby has born. It is the time to pamper myself and be grateful with all this free time. By then, I could enjoy my time and wishing not to pass it too quickly.

But … Even though you’re in a good mood for holiday, life still manage to throw you some lemons. One thing that I’m grateful is the fact that I’m surrounded by those people who love me – dearly! They would listen to me, embrace me, cry with me and strengthen me. I know that I am not alone.

So what will I do with those lemons? At first, I deny the facts that I was hurt. I told myself that everything thrown at me was garbage, unnecessary issues and I only need to throw it out right away. Then come the stage of anger – in which I complained to the universe, telling that I don’t deserve to be treated and accused so badly. I had hard time to calm myself down and let my emotions flow out. I cried it out last night and got that feeling of peace when suddenly I realized that I was at anger stage. I told myself that it will pass. I only need to shift my point-of-view and let it all go. My life will not be miserable by whatever people throw at me – unless I let them break my life.

I had that hard time of believing myself because some people viewed me as a fat, not pretty and unfashionable. I believed what they said to me and as a result, I gained 6 pounds in an instant, I wear worn out jeans and shirt to work and left my heels in the shelf. Until one co-worker sat me down and asked me: What’s going on with me? In that moment, I realized that I was the one who’s responsible of my life and how I see it. I went home with a grateful heart and started to believe in myself again – brick by brick. I put on make up again, I bought new clothes, back to my 10cm heels and gain my confidence back.

Since I’m carrying my little baby now – I know that my pregnancy is at the top priority, more than anything. I should not care of what others told me now … I am who I am. I am too blessed to be depressed or stressed.

I will use the lemons throw at me to make myself glass of lemonade to cool off the heat. Or I can drink it with warm water and lose some weight after I give birth. Sometimes I still lose myself in the maze that others draw for me – but I will build my own maze. I am the one who’s responsible for my life.

I already buy a big basket for the lemons that others will throw at me. I’m ready … Because I am blessed. God shall walk with me – or even carry me around. He would sit with me while we sip on the lemonade.

Cheers!


Poem: Bleeding Love

It’s been a long while since I wrote a poem. But today, I decided to give myself another go. Hope you all will like it!

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I bleed for you, therefore I write this piece

I bleed for you, not because I ask for it

I bleed for you, out of love

Deep inside your heart, you know

Even deeper inside your heart, you feel my love

But somehow, you draw that line

I failed, always did

I could not draw that fine line, and say goodbye

But you did, yes you did

And I bleed on the other side of that line

I cry, but no more tears

I stand still, and it starts bleeding

My heart could not contain it anymore

It must be broken into pieces

In the darkness, I try to pull those pieces together again

Sometimes I wonder, if loving you is a mistake

But I remember that God loves me, with all my wrongs

Therefore I am hoping, you still allow me to love you

Years gone by, and I could not hate you

Replacing the only thing I know about you is impossible

Because it is love

You are love, my love

If now you’re gone, I would let you go

Even if I have to bleed it out

You are love, and still mine

I pray that God would love you even more

And keep you safe on the other side of the line

When you say goodbye

                 When you say goodbye

We Are All Alone

I’ve read the book of Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Come be My Light, a few years ago. At first I didn’t know what to expect from the book, but after I started – I was terrified. If you think I got some spiritual strength, you’re guessing wrong. I was simply terrified.

In that book, I learned that Mother Teresa was being left alone by God for 20 years! God never answered her prayers and she had to struggle on her own. And yet, she never quit from her calling.

These past few weeks, for some reasons, I have think of aloneness again – and it drifted me back to Mother Teresa again. One of my friend ever asked me, if I ever had one hour with one person who had died, who would that be. My answer was Mother Teresa. I want to know how she could survive those aloneness and didn’t quit her way.

I came to realization that we are all alone. We were born alone and will die alone – I knew that. But what I just realized is the fact that we are all alone even in between birth and death. We are surrounded by a lot of people, we meet a lot of people along the way – but the nature of being alone is there.

Have you ever feel alone even when your partner is next to you? When you share about your dreams and your partner seems to be in La La Land? Or when you talk to your parents and they only need to hear you – without any intention of listening to you? Those are some simple examples of the fact that we are all alone. We never be ready for this, but it is something that we have to deal with.

What to do then? Keep on going. Keep on loving. Because as Mother Teresa said, “I give because I have so much love to give”.

Have a reflective weekend!

Leave Your Judgment Unto God

Once I read in the Bible that judgment is not our part, but His part. I didn’t understand back then, for I thought that we could freely judge others – because we have common sense and knowledge on what life should be. But I was wrong.


When I judge others, I actually express who I really am. When I talk about others, I actually judge them as worse than me. As if I’m saying that ‘I am better than the others’.

I know how it feels to be judged by others. It is rarely a fair judgment. Why? Because as Jung said, it is hard to think through and stop judging. It is easier to judge. Even though those who judge won’t be happy if they are judged the way they did to others.

As I grow in my professional work, I learned to see that life is not just one-sided story. My success story won’t necessarily be successful for others. Therefore, there’s no point of judging others because they are simply different than us. They have their side of the stories. If they share it with you, keep it. Embrace it. Value it. But never judge them – for we know nothing of their struggle.


We may judge a mother as being lack of discipline and time for her children. We never know that she is a single parent with 3 children and she has to work 2 jobs everyday. We may judge a fat man as being greedy. What we don’t know is he has genetic condition that he ought to bear for the rest of his life. We may judge one as being unprofessional because she wears jeans to a wedding party. We might not know that those pair of jeans is the best clothes she has.

You may judge others, if you are not a sinner. Just like what Jesus said to those men who were about to stone a woman to death. When He allowed them to throw the stones, as long as they have no sins – one by one they left the woman alone. So, leave your judgment unto God. And make a better life for your neighbor.

Have a good start of this week!

Past-Valentine Love Stories

It may be a little late to write about my Valentine’s Day, but I am going to write anyway.

This year marks the 4th of knowing my husband. We met on January 2011 and got married on September 2013. But this year is the first time we celebrate Valentine’s Day, well sort of. On the day, I woke up with a cute doll in front of me. I did not know where he hid that or why did he buy that cute doll. When I opened it, I just realized that the doll has recording system. So, there it was, my husband wishing me a lovely Valentine’s Day!

Valentine's Day gift

After I unwrapped the gift, I left to take my morning shower. He did not tell me that he had something else, the real V day gift for me. It was himself being wrapped! You know, when it comes to silly stuff, my husband is the master!

The real V day gift

The real V day gift

But that was not all. Last night, I got another surprise from my best friend’s parents. It was started when they were having their own family time and somehow my name was mentioned by my friend. His father was a sweet, funny and silly old man, whose heart is very sincere. My friend and I used to laugh together when we remember his father. Out of his love for me, he suddenly said to my friend that they (his father and mother) would love to have me as their daughter and love me with their parental love. You know, I was crying when I heard this! Sometimes when the time is rough, you don’t need some extravagant gifts, you only need small action of love from those around you.

I am loved!

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Ash Wednesday: The Mess and The Broom


Today is the first day of Lent. Since a few days back I’ve been thinking to myself, what should I give up this Lent? I read some of my friends were asking the same question through social media. I couldn’t figured the answer.

Not until I hurt someone close to me through my expression. It happened a few days ago and I didn’t know how to get rid of the guilt. My guilty feeling is overwhelming and I know that on the other side she is still hurt.

From that moment, I found my answer on what to give up this Lent – or hopefully this whole life. I have to give up on being a mess or making a mess – through my expression, written or spoken. I need to stop talking or making comments. It won’t be easy, since people will ask for my opinion or answer, but I will give my best effort to keep quiet.

As the eldest in my family, I’m used with the pattern of cleaning up the mess, being the broom when problems came. I’m so used with that role and unconsciously, I do the same thing to others as well. I took care of their problems, I had headache and heartache over their problems and sometimes, I felt mad at them because they asked for my opinion and didn’t do it whatsoever. I thought I gave my best for them, but the truth is I made them unable to grow. I took the place of too many people and at last, I threw it all up – because I was too full.

Best lesson for me!

And to end this, I want to share one quote from @rudyfransisco. A poet that stole my attention, except for today. I would say that on hard days, I won’t be mess or the broom. I would just watch and be quiet.

That was my resolution during the mass earlier today. May God bless us and everything that we give up this Lent. For the glory of His name!

An Old Man and His Broken Heart

That day, when I walk home from my work, I saw you.

You were so tiny and fragile. You laid there on the corner of the street, waiting for loving hands to carry you home. I was about to walk past you, pretending that I didn’t see you, little one. But when our eyes met, I had no other choice but to admit that I felt the love between us. I held you home, I put you close to my heart.

Day after day, I saw you grow up. Your tiny feet were getting stronger. Your small paws were getting bigger. And your little tail was not so little anymore. You grew so beautifully. And still, I love you, little one. I knew that you loved me too. I could see it.

The white flowers

The little white flowers

Years after years, you were my companion. Whenever I arrived home, you were the first one that I think about. The food on your plate, the blanket on your little bed when the winds were too cold, and some prayers from my mouth. Sometimes I forgot to even fed myself. But I would never forget you, little one.

My love for you were so real. Even if you ask me now, I will say that I am still loving you.

My heart broke when I saw your body on the corner of our house. On that day, when I arrived home from work. I was walking home, wishing to embrace you and enjoyed our time together. My life is now so different. Empty if I may say. My life has gone when I saw you leave. I could not even say goodbye …

——-

This writing is inspired by a real event. I saw an old man who got his heart break after knowing his beloved daughter was about to leave. He had loved her since the first day he saw her. He would fight the world to share his love for her. His love was even wider and deeper after he had two grandchildren from her. He would really fight the world for them.

Now, his world crumbled. He really has nowhere to go, because he had given his all.

I can only wish that one day he would be able to love again. For others, for his grandchildren. For himself.

Who’s to Blame?

I know one family of 3 children and their parents. Two of the children were born sick, they were unable to form the enzymes needed for digestion. Therefore, their parents had to buy special milk, which cost them three fold of normal baby milk. It was a struggle for them, but their parents never asked why.

When these two children grew up, they became very active. They fight in school, their academic achievement was always at the border of failed and they got into the wrong crowd. As teenagers, they got into more serious fights – and they ended up at police station a few times. They went home in a very bad shape, after being hit by some gang members. They involved in accident when driving a friend’s car and their parents had to pay for the service and fixing fee.

Now they are adults. They gambled now and then. They lost and repent – only to fall into the same pattern again. They borrow money from whoever want to give them the money – because they tend to forget how to count the interest. Some debt collectors come for them, and they hide behind their parents. They lost billion of their family savings and still, no regret, no repentance. Nothing.

The eldest of the children then think to himself. Why is it so different between me and my brothers? He asked his father since he was young, but he never got the answer. One day, when he was a teenager, his father admitted that he did that out of guilty feeling – that he wasn’t a good father and therefore those two boys were born in a bad shape. Unconsciously, his father pay his regret by covering and protecting his younger brothers.

When this eldest son became an adult, he asked his father if he could change his treatment toward his brothers – because he could see that the two won’t go anywhere if they don’t change their behaviors. His father replied, give me time to fix this and after a while, if your brothers still do the same, you can call me a failure.

—-

The story above represents our families, somehow. There’s no such thing as perfect parents, perfect children, nor perfect family. But we can always strive to be one. The end of the journey is the last day before we close our eyes for good. What have I done for my partner? What have I done for my parents? My children? My siblings? If I ever made mistakes, did I admit it and apologize for it? If I ever wreck their dreams, have I apologize and rebuild the dreams together with them?

Ability to accept and forgive others are necessity in this life. We can’t go on with anger and hatred in our heart. The same philosophy goes with ourselves as well. Have you forgive yourself? Have you accept your flaws and limitation? Because if you haven’t, you are hurting yourself. And those who close around you will get hurt as well.

Family life is very complicated. I heard a lot of people think and say that it is easier to live away from their families. Because at least, they don’t have to deal with such family issues. I come from a very complex family – both in size and dynamic. It shapes me to be a strong person. It shapes me to prevent a lot of things in the future. I have to admit at last, that those fights and arguments, those irrational actions and belief, those high-pitch voices – are the color of my life. I can become who I am today – because all of them.

What about you?

Love Story with God

This post is not written by me, but by my anonymous friend. He wants to share his feeling regarding his love to God – and everything in between.

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“This is our love story

How I learn to love you

We meet daily

Sometimes at lunch time

Or dinner time

But most of the times I forget you

We have a date every night

Talking how we spend our day

Planning about our tomorrows

But most of the times I am too tired to really pay attention

But for once, I make sure

I come to your house every Sunday

Talking to your mom about stuffs

But most of the times I can’t wait to go home and sleep

This is our love story

Unrequited one

You tell me how much you love me

You wrote a letter to me of your unconditional love

You try to show how many times you forgive me

But others tell me different things

They say you hate me

Is that true?

They think I cheat on you

Do you feel it too?

They told me I am no longer expected at your place

I shall not meet you, nor your mother and even your dad

How come they say I fail you

When you said that I am just as perfect as you wish to be

Now I don’t know who and what to believe

Is it your words

Or them who is close to you?

Oh dear, if you happen to read this

Can you answer my question

“will you forgive me?”

Or make my wish come true

Please say, “I love you”

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