Happiness at A$45

What is happiness? 

It takes a lot of time and effort to define happiness. Some people say that in order to be happy, we need to seek for it. Some will seek for happiness among their pile of money, some will seek among their contacts and some others will seek among their freedom. 

As for me,  I’m blessed for I am able to meet a lot of other people who told me that happiness is indeed inside of us. We just need to believe that we are worthy of creating our own happiness. We are worthy to be happy with ourselves. 

I have a chronic condition of being unhappy with myself. I’m fat (never in my life I wear size below L). I can’t draw my eyebrows properly (my Aunt will stop in the middle of any conversation to remind me that I need to draw my eyebrows properly!). I’m not confident and sometimes I deliberatly look out for some positive comments from my closest ones. 

I’m afraid to walk outside the norm. I don’t dare to do something different. 

That’s my pity eyes looking at me. 

But then, I decided that I need to do something that I’ve never did in a long time. Starting small, by cutting my long hair. I had the same hairstyle for almost 14 years! And somehow I was so afraid to change it, because normally women will choose long hair – as well as the men. But honestly, who cares! 

So off I go to cut my hair. Thanks to my dear friend @veina – who was there with me when I decided to cut my hair. She was so surprised and yet, very supportive with my decision. 

I posted my photo below with my new hair. I’m happy with my decision and will not regret my spending of A$45. 

I believe that happiness is indeed inside of us. I can create my own happiness. I am worthy! 

Happiness: Gay Perspective

I just had a long chat with my gay best friend.

I don’t know why my life is surrounded by them, gay and lesbian. Lately, it becomes more and more absurd for me. I heard his story of living a double life, because he just can’t walk out and be himself. Because most of the community will condemn him and hate him to death. Because his parents are ashamed of having a son like him. Because he just couldn’t be himself …

Then, a question crossed my mind. So, what is the meaning of happiness for him – and the rest of the homosexuals in this world? I guess the answer is varies!

I found a lot of gay people who decided to conform with the community by getting married and build a what-so-called family. They seem happy. But we never know what is going on inside their mind. I remember my classmate in junior high, who had a gay father. Her father left when she and her sister were just young children. They did not know anything about their father – the hidden truth. Later on, she found out that her father was a gay and left her for another guy. I don’t think my friend’s father is happy with his decision.

Or a story of a young man who decided to marry someone that he barely knows because he does that in the name of certain religion, in which they suggest their young people to marry their partner first and start to know each other well in the marriage. He is also a gay. Will he be happy? It depends ….

Or a story of my best friend’s uncle. He is a well known professor in a well known university, who happened to marry a beautiful and hard working lady. They only had their sexual encounter once! And it turned out bad. He’s a gay … do they happy with their marriage? We never know.

But …. When I had a talk with another good friend of mine, she had a different point of view. She told me that my encounter with so many gay people is not merely coincidence. God wants me to do something with them – which I don’t know what. She said that if God wants a straight person to marry a gay man, then God himself will put Eros in his heart (I know it sounds absurd and not right!). She said that nothing is impossible, for God love all of us. Deep down I know that God is a super and almighty God, who can do whatever He wants, without any difficulties of making it comes true. But still, I don’t know …

What I know is God wants us – not just me –  to love gay and lesbian people as He loves them. I got this brilliant insight when we had an exclusive meeting with Bo Sanchez, a few years back in Perth, WA.

I wish they can be happy …

Dinner with Jazz Stars

I had my dinner a few nights ago in a special room, in which I could enjoy the most romantic jazz music. I was in a relaxed mood and able to enjoy every bit of my meal. I also felt happy, because I was not alone, for I was with Billy Joel…

***

So, yeah … I had my dinner, a mealbox of rice and steamed chicken cooked with traditional chinese herbs. I drank a bottle of mineral water and enjoyed a banana after my meal. I was completely alone in my boarding room. The walls white and the size is small, about 2m x 3m. After all … I had my iPod on my ears, and the song was ‘New York States of Mind’ sang by Billy Joel!

That song was not a new list in my ‘Jazz’ song list. But I never had such a feeling when I listened to the same song. That night, I was able to think beyond the literal lyrics, for I was trying to reach far beyond that. I tried to grasp the meaning of that song, a personal meaning for me.

In the lyrics, the singer showed appraisal and love for New York City, no matter where he is. He just wants to be in New York, or at least feel the scene of New York. The same thing happened to me. That night, I was so boring. I already stayed in my room for 3 days, for I had swollen eyes, due to infection. I tried so hard to ‘whoo’ the loneliness and boredom, but I knew that I couldn’t get out without risk other people to be infected by the same virus. So, I decided to change the way I view my surroudings. I decided to be in New York with Billy Joel.

Billy Joel (www.billyjoel.com)

Billy Joel (www.billyjoel.com)

I learned a lesson that the power of mind is much stronger that the power of our body. Our mind is strong enough to stop tears roll down into big laugh. Mind is also full of tricks, in which it can turns boredom into something fun and exciting. It’s all in your mind and all you need to do is to control your mind, at least to stick onto positive thoughts (most of the times).

No matter where I was … I was happy to be with Billy Joel!

Some folks like to get away
Take a holiday from the neighbourhood
Hop a flight to Miami Beach
Or to Hollywood
But I’m taking a Greyhound
On the Hudson River Line
I’m in a New York state of mind
(New York State of Mind – Billy Joel)