Inner Feeling

Lately I’ve been fighting myself – big time. When I see someone I know is traveling abroad,  a spark of jealousy comes up. My own thought will serve that feeling rightaway by saying: “yes, she has a better life than you”, “she is smarter than you” or, “you are just an average woman”. 

When someone I know is commenting on my every move, I will feel overwhelmed by it. It feels like I need my space and when someone is deliberately stepping into my private area, I would love to scream and shove my anger in front of them. 

I guess by now you will see me as a bipolar woman!  

Oh well, it is not easy to fight whetever feeling that we have inside. The feelings that are triggered by so many reasons – love, care, hate, jealousy, intimidation and many more. 

Those same feelings are there as a reminder for us to look after ourselves. Maybe we have only a little of self-love, a minimum time for ourselves or, have nothing left after we serve the best for others. Therefore,  we tend to feel inferior toward ourselves. We compare our dried land with the green grass next door. We put on the blurred glasses to view our lives – and surely we get the blurry pictures that we hate so much. 

I realized that all negative inner feelings are stemmed from ourselves. The way we view ourselves,  the way we compare with others and the way we compete in life. No wonder,  we feel tired almost all the time. 

Tonight, as I lay down, I am praying to God that He will strengthen me to see and accept me as who I am. If other people seem to have a better life than mine, remind me to thank God for my own life. If other people seem to criticize me, teach me to thank God for what I have. It is my glasses that need to be fixed. So I can control my feelings toward the outer events.

Take care everyone! 

PS: I am truly in a much lighter feeling after writing this post. 

Thinking? Feeling? Which One?

When we are facing problems, especially the kind of problems that need us to be sympathetic , we tend to choose – should I think over this problem? or should I just let my feeling take over. It seems simple, but it is the kind of consideration that everyone has. Let’s follow interesting conversation between Thought (T) and Feeling (F). You are allowed to nod or laugh when you are experiencing the same conflicts …

F : Damn it! I hate being compared to other people! I hate feeling as the second-best.

T : Whoa! Calm down. What is it going on here? Who compare you? What happened?

F : Someone told me that I was not the only one. There used to be someone else.

T : Interesting. You said: used to be. That’s past tense – and it means that ‘the someone’ is no longer here.

F : Well, she told me so. The someone else is no longer here.

T : Then how come you feel as the second-best? And how come you feel compared to the ‘used to be’?

F : Well, that’s the right feeling to feel.

T : I guess that’s not the right thought to think. You are the present. That someone else was the past. Enjoy your present life!

F : Should I feel happy with this present life?

T : I think there’s no such things as: should or shouldn’t I. It is important to feel what you feel. The ‘should’ feeling is not always relevant to your actual feeling.

F : Actual feeling?

T : Yes, your true feeling upon something or someone.

F : You are not supposed to talk about feeling! That’s my part.

T : Please do. I just want to help clarify your feeling – because sometimes you forget that you don’t have brain to think.

If people ask, should I think or should I feel? The answer is not absolute. The cognitive personality will always start by: what do you think? Meanwhile, the emotive personality will always ask: how do you feel about that? Both are needed in our life – we need to think and surely, we need to feel our emotions. I guess, it is all about the perfect combination of blending your feeling into your rational way of thinking.

Enjoy the ride!