Poem: On My Knees

I look up to the sky – wishing for some clear blue sky

But everywhere I look – I only see cobalt-like color sky

I look down to the path I walk – wishing for some green pasture

And yet – all I see is grey asphalt

I look around – wishing for some brightness to light my day

But then – all around is empty

I wish I can scream – so loud to make the sky shift its color

I wish I can pour out my thoughts – to the green grass

I wish I can be understood – by my surroundings

But again – there is nothing

All I can do – and all I need to do is to bend on my knees

That is the closest I can get to reach Heaven

On my knees – I can see His big hands holding mine

On my knees – I can feel His presence beside me

On my knees – I can feel His hands wipe my tears

I might still see the dark sky – or the dry path

I might still see no one around me

But I am safe and loved

By His love

Picture is taken from my other blog: 365actsofgratitude.wordpress.com

Picture is taken from my other blog: 365actsofgratitude.wordpress.com

Poem: Bleeding Love

It’s been a long while since I wrote a poem. But today, I decided to give myself another go. Hope you all will like it!

——

I bleed for you, therefore I write this piece

I bleed for you, not because I ask for it

I bleed for you, out of love

Deep inside your heart, you know

Even deeper inside your heart, you feel my love

But somehow, you draw that line

I failed, always did

I could not draw that fine line, and say goodbye

But you did, yes you did

And I bleed on the other side of that line

I cry, but no more tears

I stand still, and it starts bleeding

My heart could not contain it anymore

It must be broken into pieces

In the darkness, I try to pull those pieces together again

Sometimes I wonder, if loving you is a mistake

But I remember that God loves me, with all my wrongs

Therefore I am hoping, you still allow me to love you

Years gone by, and I could not hate you

Replacing the only thing I know about you is impossible

Because it is love

You are love, my love

If now you’re gone, I would let you go

Even if I have to bleed it out

You are love, and still mine

I pray that God would love you even more

And keep you safe on the other side of the line

When you say goodbye

                 When you say goodbye

We Are All Alone

I’ve read the book of Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Come be My Light, a few years ago. At first I didn’t know what to expect from the book, but after I started – I was terrified. If you think I got some spiritual strength, you’re guessing wrong. I was simply terrified.

In that book, I learned that Mother Teresa was being left alone by God for 20 years! God never answered her prayers and she had to struggle on her own. And yet, she never quit from her calling.

These past few weeks, for some reasons, I have think of aloneness again – and it drifted me back to Mother Teresa again. One of my friend ever asked me, if I ever had one hour with one person who had died, who would that be. My answer was Mother Teresa. I want to know how she could survive those aloneness and didn’t quit her way.

I came to realization that we are all alone. We were born alone and will die alone – I knew that. But what I just realized is the fact that we are all alone even in between birth and death. We are surrounded by a lot of people, we meet a lot of people along the way – but the nature of being alone is there.

Have you ever feel alone even when your partner is next to you? When you share about your dreams and your partner seems to be in La La Land? Or when you talk to your parents and they only need to hear you – without any intention of listening to you? Those are some simple examples of the fact that we are all alone. We never be ready for this, but it is something that we have to deal with.

What to do then? Keep on going. Keep on loving. Because as Mother Teresa said, “I give because I have so much love to give”.

Have a reflective weekend!

Leave Your Judgment Unto God

Once I read in the Bible that judgment is not our part, but His part. I didn’t understand back then, for I thought that we could freely judge others – because we have common sense and knowledge on what life should be. But I was wrong.


When I judge others, I actually express who I really am. When I talk about others, I actually judge them as worse than me. As if I’m saying that ‘I am better than the others’.

I know how it feels to be judged by others. It is rarely a fair judgment. Why? Because as Jung said, it is hard to think through and stop judging. It is easier to judge. Even though those who judge won’t be happy if they are judged the way they did to others.

As I grow in my professional work, I learned to see that life is not just one-sided story. My success story won’t necessarily be successful for others. Therefore, there’s no point of judging others because they are simply different than us. They have their side of the stories. If they share it with you, keep it. Embrace it. Value it. But never judge them – for we know nothing of their struggle.


We may judge a mother as being lack of discipline and time for her children. We never know that she is a single parent with 3 children and she has to work 2 jobs everyday. We may judge a fat man as being greedy. What we don’t know is he has genetic condition that he ought to bear for the rest of his life. We may judge one as being unprofessional because she wears jeans to a wedding party. We might not know that those pair of jeans is the best clothes she has.

You may judge others, if you are not a sinner. Just like what Jesus said to those men who were about to stone a woman to death. When He allowed them to throw the stones, as long as they have no sins – one by one they left the woman alone. So, leave your judgment unto God. And make a better life for your neighbor.

Have a good start of this week!

Past-Valentine Love Stories

It may be a little late to write about my Valentine’s Day, but I am going to write anyway.

This year marks the 4th of knowing my husband. We met on January 2011 and got married on September 2013. But this year is the first time we celebrate Valentine’s Day, well sort of. On the day, I woke up with a cute doll in front of me. I did not know where he hid that or why did he buy that cute doll. When I opened it, I just realized that the doll has recording system. So, there it was, my husband wishing me a lovely Valentine’s Day!

Valentine's Day gift

After I unwrapped the gift, I left to take my morning shower. He did not tell me that he had something else, the real V day gift for me. It was himself being wrapped! You know, when it comes to silly stuff, my husband is the master!

The real V day gift

The real V day gift

But that was not all. Last night, I got another surprise from my best friend’s parents. It was started when they were having their own family time and somehow my name was mentioned by my friend. His father was a sweet, funny and silly old man, whose heart is very sincere. My friend and I used to laugh together when we remember his father. Out of his love for me, he suddenly said to my friend that they (his father and mother) would love to have me as their daughter and love me with their parental love. You know, I was crying when I heard this! Sometimes when the time is rough, you don’t need some extravagant gifts, you only need small action of love from those around you.

I am loved!

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Ash Wednesday: The Mess and The Broom


Today is the first day of Lent. Since a few days back I’ve been thinking to myself, what should I give up this Lent? I read some of my friends were asking the same question through social media. I couldn’t figured the answer.

Not until I hurt someone close to me through my expression. It happened a few days ago and I didn’t know how to get rid of the guilt. My guilty feeling is overwhelming and I know that on the other side she is still hurt.

From that moment, I found my answer on what to give up this Lent – or hopefully this whole life. I have to give up on being a mess or making a mess – through my expression, written or spoken. I need to stop talking or making comments. It won’t be easy, since people will ask for my opinion or answer, but I will give my best effort to keep quiet.

As the eldest in my family, I’m used with the pattern of cleaning up the mess, being the broom when problems came. I’m so used with that role and unconsciously, I do the same thing to others as well. I took care of their problems, I had headache and heartache over their problems and sometimes, I felt mad at them because they asked for my opinion and didn’t do it whatsoever. I thought I gave my best for them, but the truth is I made them unable to grow. I took the place of too many people and at last, I threw it all up – because I was too full.

Best lesson for me!

And to end this, I want to share one quote from @rudyfransisco. A poet that stole my attention, except for today. I would say that on hard days, I won’t be mess or the broom. I would just watch and be quiet.

That was my resolution during the mass earlier today. May God bless us and everything that we give up this Lent. For the glory of His name!

An Old Man and His Broken Heart

That day, when I walk home from my work, I saw you.

You were so tiny and fragile. You laid there on the corner of the street, waiting for loving hands to carry you home. I was about to walk past you, pretending that I didn’t see you, little one. But when our eyes met, I had no other choice but to admit that I felt the love between us. I held you home, I put you close to my heart.

Day after day, I saw you grow up. Your tiny feet were getting stronger. Your small paws were getting bigger. And your little tail was not so little anymore. You grew so beautifully. And still, I love you, little one. I knew that you loved me too. I could see it.

The white flowers

The little white flowers

Years after years, you were my companion. Whenever I arrived home, you were the first one that I think about. The food on your plate, the blanket on your little bed when the winds were too cold, and some prayers from my mouth. Sometimes I forgot to even fed myself. But I would never forget you, little one.

My love for you were so real. Even if you ask me now, I will say that I am still loving you.

My heart broke when I saw your body on the corner of our house. On that day, when I arrived home from work. I was walking home, wishing to embrace you and enjoyed our time together. My life is now so different. Empty if I may say. My life has gone when I saw you leave. I could not even say goodbye …

——-

This writing is inspired by a real event. I saw an old man who got his heart break after knowing his beloved daughter was about to leave. He had loved her since the first day he saw her. He would fight the world to share his love for her. His love was even wider and deeper after he had two grandchildren from her. He would really fight the world for them.

Now, his world crumbled. He really has nowhere to go, because he had given his all.

I can only wish that one day he would be able to love again. For others, for his grandchildren. For himself.

Who’s to Blame?

I know one family of 3 children and their parents. Two of the children were born sick, they were unable to form the enzymes needed for digestion. Therefore, their parents had to buy special milk, which cost them three fold of normal baby milk. It was a struggle for them, but their parents never asked why.

When these two children grew up, they became very active. They fight in school, their academic achievement was always at the border of failed and they got into the wrong crowd. As teenagers, they got into more serious fights – and they ended up at police station a few times. They went home in a very bad shape, after being hit by some gang members. They involved in accident when driving a friend’s car and their parents had to pay for the service and fixing fee.

Now they are adults. They gambled now and then. They lost and repent – only to fall into the same pattern again. They borrow money from whoever want to give them the money – because they tend to forget how to count the interest. Some debt collectors come for them, and they hide behind their parents. They lost billion of their family savings and still, no regret, no repentance. Nothing.

The eldest of the children then think to himself. Why is it so different between me and my brothers? He asked his father since he was young, but he never got the answer. One day, when he was a teenager, his father admitted that he did that out of guilty feeling – that he wasn’t a good father and therefore those two boys were born in a bad shape. Unconsciously, his father pay his regret by covering and protecting his younger brothers.

When this eldest son became an adult, he asked his father if he could change his treatment toward his brothers – because he could see that the two won’t go anywhere if they don’t change their behaviors. His father replied, give me time to fix this and after a while, if your brothers still do the same, you can call me a failure.

—-

The story above represents our families, somehow. There’s no such thing as perfect parents, perfect children, nor perfect family. But we can always strive to be one. The end of the journey is the last day before we close our eyes for good. What have I done for my partner? What have I done for my parents? My children? My siblings? If I ever made mistakes, did I admit it and apologize for it? If I ever wreck their dreams, have I apologize and rebuild the dreams together with them?

Ability to accept and forgive others are necessity in this life. We can’t go on with anger and hatred in our heart. The same philosophy goes with ourselves as well. Have you forgive yourself? Have you accept your flaws and limitation? Because if you haven’t, you are hurting yourself. And those who close around you will get hurt as well.

Family life is very complicated. I heard a lot of people think and say that it is easier to live away from their families. Because at least, they don’t have to deal with such family issues. I come from a very complex family – both in size and dynamic. It shapes me to be a strong person. It shapes me to prevent a lot of things in the future. I have to admit at last, that those fights and arguments, those irrational actions and belief, those high-pitch voices – are the color of my life. I can become who I am today – because all of them.

What about you?

Love Story with God

This post is not written by me, but by my anonymous friend. He wants to share his feeling regarding his love to God – and everything in between.

—-

“This is our love story

How I learn to love you

We meet daily

Sometimes at lunch time

Or dinner time

But most of the times I forget you

We have a date every night

Talking how we spend our day

Planning about our tomorrows

But most of the times I am too tired to really pay attention

But for once, I make sure

I come to your house every Sunday

Talking to your mom about stuffs

But most of the times I can’t wait to go home and sleep

This is our love story

Unrequited one

You tell me how much you love me

You wrote a letter to me of your unconditional love

You try to show how many times you forgive me

But others tell me different things

They say you hate me

Is that true?

They think I cheat on you

Do you feel it too?

They told me I am no longer expected at your place

I shall not meet you, nor your mother and even your dad

How come they say I fail you

When you said that I am just as perfect as you wish to be

Now I don’t know who and what to believe

Is it your words

Or them who is close to you?

Oh dear, if you happen to read this

Can you answer my question

“will you forgive me?”

Or make my wish come true

Please say, “I love you”

—-

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Society teaches us to behave in certain ways – the way we dress up on every new fashion year, the place we hang out, the food we put on Instagram and alot more. There’s no written rules in the society, but it is there for us to observe and adjust – as they hope so.

Some people are so proud to be called the socialite, with their brand new bags and high end shoes, with the latest stories of their holiday abroad and the luxurious 5-star accommodation. You know, they are so obvious to be seen by others. They are everywhere.

What about the rest who are not socialite? We still own the rights to live our own ways and define ourselves differently. Not to be different than others, but to be comfortable with yourself. People may throw you with critics on how you dress up or how you should laugh properly, but put the filter on. You don’t have to listen and adapt everything that others throw at you. One day, you will end up regretting the lost self of you.

Comparing yourself to others will never do you good – unless you see the competition as a way to achieve or perform higher. But endless comparison will only drive you to the end of living your life, because then, you would want to live someone else’s life.

It is hard to avoid the temptations of the society, but it is even harder to lose yourself in the midst of the society. Be yourself. Be you. And be proud of what you can do, of your achievement, of your dreams and how you can work to make your dreams come true. Be proud of how God created you perfectly.

Have a good day!