Inner Feeling

Lately I’ve been fighting myself – big time. When I see someone I know is traveling abroad,  a spark of jealousy comes up. My own thought will serve that feeling rightaway by saying: “yes, she has a better life than you”, “she is smarter than you” or, “you are just an average woman”. 

When someone I know is commenting on my every move, I will feel overwhelmed by it. It feels like I need my space and when someone is deliberately stepping into my private area, I would love to scream and shove my anger in front of them. 

I guess by now you will see me as a bipolar woman!  

Oh well, it is not easy to fight whetever feeling that we have inside. The feelings that are triggered by so many reasons – love, care, hate, jealousy, intimidation and many more. 

Those same feelings are there as a reminder for us to look after ourselves. Maybe we have only a little of self-love, a minimum time for ourselves or, have nothing left after we serve the best for others. Therefore,  we tend to feel inferior toward ourselves. We compare our dried land with the green grass next door. We put on the blurred glasses to view our lives – and surely we get the blurry pictures that we hate so much. 

I realized that all negative inner feelings are stemmed from ourselves. The way we view ourselves,  the way we compare with others and the way we compete in life. No wonder,  we feel tired almost all the time. 

Tonight, as I lay down, I am praying to God that He will strengthen me to see and accept me as who I am. If other people seem to have a better life than mine, remind me to thank God for my own life. If other people seem to criticize me, teach me to thank God for what I have. It is my glasses that need to be fixed. So I can control my feelings toward the outer events.

Take care everyone! 

PS: I am truly in a much lighter feeling after writing this post. 

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