I am a lazy bump. For the past 10 days I’ve stayed at my parents with my big belly – 34 weeks old. My ob-gyn told me to have a rest and take an off from work. I never had such a privilege since I got pregnant – and I think my baby feels relieved with the order to rest.
While I’m staying lazy, I read some books, doing scrapbook for my little bub, talk to some people regarding a lot of things, cuddling with my niece and nephew and mostly, enjoying my mom’s home cook meals. I detached myself from everything that used to be important for me – being busy.
The first few days, I was feeling lost. It was like I spent time doing nothing and I felt guilty. But then after a few days, I pictured the upcoming sleepless nights after my little baby has born. It is the time to pamper myself and be grateful with all this free time. By then, I could enjoy my time and wishing not to pass it too quickly.
But … Even though you’re in a good mood for holiday, life still manage to throw you some lemons. One thing that I’m grateful is the fact that I’m surrounded by those people who love me – dearly! They would listen to me, embrace me, cry with me and strengthen me. I know that I am not alone.
So what will I do with those lemons? At first, I deny the facts that I was hurt. I told myself that everything thrown at me was garbage, unnecessary issues and I only need to throw it out right away. Then come the stage of anger – in which I complained to the universe, telling that I don’t deserve to be treated and accused so badly. I had hard time to calm myself down and let my emotions flow out. I cried it out last night and got that feeling of peace when suddenly I realized that I was at anger stage. I told myself that it will pass. I only need to shift my point-of-view and let it all go. My life will not be miserable by whatever people throw at me – unless I let them break my life.
I had that hard time of believing myself because some people viewed me as a fat, not pretty and unfashionable. I believed what they said to me and as a result, I gained 6 pounds in an instant, I wear worn out jeans and shirt to work and left my heels in the shelf. Until one co-worker sat me down and asked me: What’s going on with me? In that moment, I realized that I was the one who’s responsible of my life and how I see it. I went home with a grateful heart and started to believe in myself again – brick by brick. I put on make up again, I bought new clothes, back to my 10cm heels and gain my confidence back.
Since I’m carrying my little baby now – I know that my pregnancy is at the top priority, more than anything. I should not care of what others told me now … I am who I am. I am too blessed to be depressed or stressed.
I will use the lemons throw at me to make myself glass of lemonade to cool off the heat. Or I can drink it with warm water and lose some weight after I give birth. Sometimes I still lose myself in the maze that others draw for me – but I will build my own maze. I am the one who’s responsible for my life.
I already buy a big basket for the lemons that others will throw at me. I’m ready … Because I am blessed. God shall walk with me – or even carry me around. He would sit with me while we sip on the lemonade.