Feeling Unlovable

One occupational hazard of being a psychologist is I tend to observe everything around me – what I heard, what I see and what I read between the lines.

People may express their feelings and emotions in many ways. And the other party also owns their own ways to be reactive.

Today I want to write what I reflect from some observations, especially when someone feels unlovable.

I was doing my hair in a hair salon when I heard a middle age woman who offered her husband to have his lunch. The time was close to 1 pm. She said, “Do you want to have your lunch now?”. To my surprise he answered, “What time is it do you think, Stupid!”. When that woman said that it was close to 1 pm, he finally said yes. He left me speechless – especially when I saw the woman took out his lunch box and prepared it for him.

Or another time when a wife told me that his husband easily gets mad at her and the children. Sometimes the issue is just another daily hassle, but he would not react differently. He would mad at her – as usual.

Or … A husband who gave up his pride as a man when his wife acted as a Commander all around the house. From what to wear, what to eat and how to spend the money. He said that he’s been giving up his free choice and voice to his wife – just for the sake of preserving the marriage.

Sometimes we see young children who are struggling to tell their parents that they love them. Some parents are well aware of the signs given – through letters, cards, hugs or songs. But some others are so ignorant – thinking that their children don’t understand what is love, or the ability to express their love.

I can’t imagine the feeling of the wife or the husband or the children in the story above. The heavy burden of feeling unlovable, when their pure intentions were being fire back with not-so-loveable reactions from their loved ones.

Everyone needs someone else to love them dearly and able to express those feelings in overt ways. When the feelings are not accordance with the overt actions, the ambiguous message will be sent. Love is a feeling that need to be shown, spoken or practiced. It seems easier to express our negative emotions – but we can practice to express our positive feelings as well. To make our closest ones feel lovable.

Let’s love each other loudly!

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