Yesterday, I had a talk with an old friend about his relationship. He’s about to get married and he is facing a problem – not too big, but significant. He used to dream about having a tomboy girlfriend, independent and able to do her own stuff. But now, he is in a serious relationship with a very sensitive woman and dependent. Time goes by and he realizes that she is the one. He knows that he will marry this girl because he believes in her changing process – to be a better woman.
Retrieving stories and experiences from the past, I was then coming to a conclusion. I told him that his relationship was build on reality bits. It might bite him hard, but once he accepted it, he knows exactly what he’s dealing with. I compared his stories with those many others who let themselves sway in the dream of having an exotic, princess-like relationship with magic carpet, great castle or Doraemon’s door. They might start their relationships with a fabulous beginning – but what’s the point if when reality hits and they move backward slowly? By the end of the day, they have to accept the reality that their dreams won’t match to each other and at last, they walk their separate ways.
I’ve read a story of a young woman in national newspaper about her extravagant wedding. The dress was made with thousands and thousands of Swarovski beads and the celebration was nothing, but magnificent. Wait! But the most surprising part was the fact that their marriage shattered after 5 months. Yes, only 5 months! Did they ever taste happiness? Maybe. But what’s the point of having extravagant wedding party and face the reality of breaking up in just 5 months?
Or another story of my best friend who had been together for years in reality lives. One time, his girlfriend told him that a relationship is like two hedgehogs tying to warm each other. That goal needs enormous efforts, because they are aware with their spikes – and might hurt their partners along the way. The spikes are the symbol of our weaknesses and how our partner’s strength can lift us up – and vice versa. If the main attention is on the spikes, then forget about warming each other. They will blame one another and looking for each others mistakes. But if the main attention is on the warming process, then they will do their best to complete each other.
It is our choice – to stay in reality or to sway in the dream. It does not mean that we can’t build any dreams as a couple. But when both party understand and accept the reality of their lives, then they can build their dreams together. Still possible …
To close this post, I would like to copy and paste one insight gained by my best friend. He said that in life there are many bridges that we build. Some of them are strong enough to help us crossing from one place to another – in which the bridge mediates our process to be a better person. But there are also some bridges that were build just to be burned down! Why? Because their existence will ultimately bring us back to our past. They do not mediates our changing process toward goodness – but to our past, regret and unfulfilled dreams instead. Such bridge makes us sway in the dream of our past, of our unwillingness to move forward – because reality will hit too hard. So, burn down the bridge …
Have a great journey, everyone! Reality may bite you hard, but the wounds will eventually be healed. But letting yourself sway in the dreams, will hurt you badly when reality hit.