This morning I had a session with a 10-year-old boy named R. He was reported by his mother as a rebellious, naughty and aggressive. He also failed his 3rd grade and now have to repeat the same grade again. After listening to his mother’s dos-and don’ts- I asked the parents to leave us alone.
I asked him about his activities before he met me. He answered without hesitation, but sometimes he didn’t want to have eye contact with me.
Due to short time of meeting, I asked him to draw pictures. I used BAUM (Tree Test), DAP (Draw-a-Person) and HTP (House-Tree-Person). I was surprised with the result! He drew the house halfway and he said that it was done. He drew a very small figure of a person and also a tree.
Then we talked through his pictures …
It was then revealed that his parents live separately because of domestic fighting. He used to stay with his father, until he got his academic report last month and the result was ‘Fail’. His aunt (Father’s older sister) asked him to leave the house and stay with his mother, because his aunt thought that such failure is an embarrassment for the whole family.
So, he stays with his mom since last month. His mom always screams and shouts at him. She just can’t talk. She only knows how to scream and shout! Poor boy …
When I asked R of one biggest wish that he wants … He answered: my parents to be reunited again, to live together again and taking care of me.
I did a quick session with R, it was only about 15-20 minutes. Then I asked his parents to come in and I let R went out of the room with his cousin. I took no time to ‘shoot’ the problems to his parents. His mother had teary eyes and I knew that she tried hard to hold them back. She admitted that she always scream and shout. She said that she never expected such damages happen to her son.
His father also has his own issues. He feels responsible to take care of his unmarried siblings, including his older sister. I can understand his position, because that’s how Chinese family raises their children: take care of your siblings when your parents passed away. But I made my point to his father, that he has R now. He has a son who needs to be prioritized.
I’m not seeing myself as a judge, who can classify between bad and good parents or which parenting style is the best compare to others. I’m not yet a parent myself. At least, I have my neutral ground when I help parents …
I wish there are many helpers out there who can save lives of young children, like R. Who might lose his future because he doesn’t have a solid ground to grow up when he’s a young boy …
Way to go, Parents!
Writing is my way to share it to you.
My Writing Paper 