I just had lunch with my friend from Sydney. She’s having her break in Indonesia and now is carrying her first child. She came with her mom and decided to do some baby stuff shopping.
During shopping, we talked a lot, trying to fill the gap when we were separated. After heading north and down to south, I told her that I had those depressed period, sometimes ago. Her first reaction was, ‘Seriously? Did you ever get depressed? What happen to you when you get depressed?’
She was not the first person who ask me the same question. Sometimes, when I look into the mirror, I wonder to myself, do I look like a clown? Because no one ever believe me that I’m just a normal person, who can shed a tear or get angry when things going out of control.
Years ago, someone said to me: ‘Your life seems cheerful and you’re only facing small problems’. And then he turned out to be the person who gave me one of my biggest problems in my whole life. Thanks to him, because if he was right, that my life was easy, he finally got me into trouble and the process, shaped me in such a wonderful way.
A brother from one monastery, who happened to be my friend, also told me the same thing. He never thought that I am such a person who ever shed tears or get depressed.
When I ask my best friend, why do people said things like that to me, he told me that ‘what-so-called as being happy all the time’ is my blessing. Only a few people in my inner circle who really understand what’s going on in my life. These few people can’t be classified as: others, because they have deep impact in my life, and vice versa.
Oh by the way, my friend from Sydney also ask me, ‘What happen to you when you get depressed? What did you do?’ I guess I’m just like others when they get depressed. Cry a bit, expressing anger here and there, and finally stand up and close the book, because I have to face a new life with new steps.
You may get depressed. Everyone has a right to get depressed, but the next step is different for everyone. Some people choose to look down at themselves ad enjoying the period of being sad and feeling empty, so they can get sympathy from others. Some are just tired to keep themselves in that dark hole, so they are trying hard to get out and enjoying the sunshine.
Which one is your choice when you get depressed?
Writing is my way to share it to you.