I had this conversation with my colleague from Sydney last night. We knew someone who is trying hard to be nice to everybody. It is good to be nice to others. I have to admit that being nice to others is a good quality. But, what about being too nice to others? Let me define what my colleague and I believe as being too nice: it is when someone is not able to say NO when others ask for his help. It is also a condition when this person tries hard to do nice things even though it is not necessarily done by him.
Good side of being too nice
Obviously, people will run to you because they know that they can count on you. They know that you will always be available for them and you can give whatever they need. People will also praise you … They will announce about how good you are, how nice you are and how dependable you are…
People will see you as what they see, they won’t search what is it behind your back. You try hard to control everything in your hands, because good image is something urgent in your life. So, yeah … people will find a brand new entertainment every time they see you.
Bad side of it
Burn out! Ouch, that’s something that you will face soon or later. No matter how hard you try to put your niceness on, you will tired and burn out. Sometimes you have to understand your limitation, your own space and capacity of being nice to other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be nice to others, but rather, make certain limitation on when you can be nice to others. It’s not a-must-do-or-die thing! Sometimes, it’s better to say that you can’t help (when you really can’t help), rather than say ‘YES, I Will Help’ then you make your steps away…
People will also be over dependent on you. They think that you are strong enough and able to bear their pain. Well, obviously you’re not. So, you better be yourself. Saying No will help you sometimes.
and … they can be dissapointed at you! You promised that you will help, and then, nothing happened! That’s awful and worse than you can think. People may be expecting you to act as their savior, but they have to face the reality that you are not more than who they are.
What can you do?
It’s very simple, just be yourself… and you’ll be fine!